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BaltiMarions
2008-2011
-From the archives of RJM-
Santa's Little Helper.
Chris Marion, circa 1990
This photo scored a perfect 10 on the Quigley Research Ahhh Factor Rating Scale, something achieved by just 1.002% of all holiday shots
involving close ups of pine needles and male toddlers attired in red turtlenecks.
(Posted 12/20/10)
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HB, Maggie!
HF2010OC - The One & Only enjoying a celebratory stogie after kicking
everyone's ass in a rousing game of Bananagrams. Pulling out all the stops, she
managed to quickly come up with such winners as "nut," "up," "veto," and the
clincher, "nipples." That word alone was worth several puffs....
All the Best on your Big Day, young lady!
It was Hf93-Newton. The competition, though somewhat spastic, was nevertheless stiff.
In gentlemanly fashion, we shook hands on the first day, muttering to one another 'Good luck,'
'May the best man win," Break a leg,' and other superficial and insincere inanities. Problem was,
Wishing you All the Best on Your Big Day, Richardo.
STORM OF THE CENTURY
Frosty T. Snowman rolls over, under a fresh blanket of snow.
Happy days are here again.
October 2009 - Matt (above left) requires at least 72 oz. of beer to dress for
gameday in Baltimore.
His staggering Ravens will finally get back on
track this weekend...guaranteed: They're playing the
"Lions."
Maize 'n Bruise.
The ecstasy and the agony.
Ricardo,
So after the clock ticks down on the Michigan-Notre Dame game this past Saturday, I am in utter elation. I jump up
and down in my friend's dorm room where I viewed the final quarter of the game (because, as you know, I do not have
a TV in my room). I go to run out of the room, singing the Michigan fight song at the top of my lungs when I bang
my leg on my friend's bed post. With the endorphins pumping throughout my body, I was impervious to pain.
Little did I know that I would wake up in the morning with a bruise and a large lump on my hip.
If this isn't Hackfester worthy, I don't know what is.
Love,
Maggie
NOTE: RJ passed this along in the aftermath of UM's stirring 38-34 last-second victory over those snobs from South Bend.
If this True Blue (or rather black and Blue) young lady doesn't deserve to follow her beloved Wolverines on a dorm-sized 22" LED,
LCD, HDTV flat-panel in the comfort and safety of her own room, who does?
wom
Buyer's Remorse?
Matty was proudly sporting these Maize 'n Blue Nikes during the Cox weekend
(October 3-6, '09). Back then, the Wolverines were 4-1, having just lost a tough one on the road to archrivals
MSU. Now, they stand 5-5 with Wisconsin and OSU looming, and they have, in effect, crashed and burned.
No word yet as to whether Matty has shelved the shoes for now, or perhaps spray painted them a more
palatable color such as crimson or blue and orange....
HB, Matty!
We all know that Matt’s the gamiest Marion out there...limbs, poker, golf, balderdash, 8-ball, soccer-in-the-rain, pong, badminton, jarts, mud wrestling, horsenuts, etc., etc. --you name it, he’s up for it. So when the HackFest Hidden Camera caught the Birthday Boy and some of his good old boy buddies trying out an inventive newform of horseshoes that brilliantly combines the contemporary concept of recycling with old-fashioned strength and accuracy, we weren’t the least bit surprised. That’s just Matt, as gamey as they come.
All the Best on your Big Day, Matty O.
A Piece of Cake...
May 24, 2009 -- Maggie gets ready to dig into her well-deserved portion of graduation cake as admiring onlookers
observe. Employing both hands, she finished the whole thing in less than 10 minutes, a new East Coast record, yet
another remarkable achievement by this outstanding student-athlete.
"No more school. No more books. No more teachers' dirty looks...."
All three of these cousins -- shown here at HF2008 (brilliantly organized and produced, you will recall, by Commissioner Emeritas W. O'Brien Marion) -- have been duly promoted from seniors to freshmen, a seeming regression, but in reality, emblematic of scholastic progress. More to
come on this, as well as the latest on the other grad in the family, Chris, whose exciting new job is taking him out west so he can experience firsthand the unprecedented economic and natural resources' crises that have hit the state of California. (A word of advice: Pack lots of water.)
HB, Richardo!
Forensic Imaging by JPM, PLLC
RJM in the year 2020.
The Birthday Boy has survived one body part replacement to date. This computer generated image projects a possible scenario more than a decade from now after a full body replacement, his current carcass having entirely broken down.
The downside? Rust. The upside? He will surely keep his right arm straight on his backswing.
All the Best on your Big Day, RJ.
HB, Mary Ella!
If, indeed, cleanliness is next to godliness (as the old saying goes), Mary Ella will no doubt be assigned
to swab the decks of heaven in the afterlife. Still, on this Special Day, please refrain from bending low to
whisk up those crunchy errant bread crumbs, sticky soda spills, and filthy dirt clods that so rudely sully
your environment. Not today! And to RJ and Maggie (and Matt and Chris, if around), attempt
to enforce this temporary "No Stooping" ban. If need be, when you catch her in the act, grab her firmly by
the shoulders and steer her smartly to her favorite chair, where she can properly relax while you run and
fetch her a cool, refreshing beverage. But for goddsakes don't spill the damn thing enroute! (Cheer up,
Mary Ella...you can resume your floor-inspection duties tomorrow, so there's ever-so-much to look forward to.)
All the Best on your Big Day, ME.
HB, Chris!
Can't get any better than this...the beach, the breeze, a bag of salty snacks in hand, no homework, no chores, no well-chilled Corona.... Wait a a minute! That's it! THAT explains young Chris' disconsolate expression despite being engulfed by seeming perfection: being too young to enjoy a cold one with his feet dug deeply into the sand, the sun projecting warmly upon his ever-bronzing shoulders, the surf lapping softly and continuously on the nearby shore, the sea gulls swooping gracefully
through the indigo-blue sky.... Well, maybe those were the good old days, but these are even better:
Here's hoping you get that cold beer on a hot beach as soon as possible, Chris. And that you smile broadly when you do
Ancestral Attraction?
ECU's pirate-mascot thankfully is not Somalian. We checked.
will be slogging around the UNC-Ashville campus. What gives here? Why North Carolina for these
two bright young lights. The answer may be in the genes (not the jeans). Stay tuned. wom
UNC-A's new mascot, Rocky I, thankfully is not a Portugese Water Dog. We checked.
Note: Greenville is on the far right, center (west of the Outer Banks, Maggie's favorite place to
go during the HackFest -- even when the HackFest is not being held there). Ashville is on the far left, center (just east of the Great SmokyMountains -- and a wonderful place...except for all of the annoying ash that drifts down daily from the constantly-smoking mountains. And since we ARE talking North Carolina, don't expect them them kick the habit any time soon...).
-Coming up BIG in the Big Game-
The molding of Maggie, 1995. Her two coaches, left, (aka, her dad and her
really cool Uncle Bill) made her shoot 500 foul shots that day before she could
take her afternoon nap. She made 482 of them, and from that point
on, she was hooked. (Matt and Chris were brought along to chase
after and retrieve the ever-caroming ball, a repetitively thankless task that
they somehow seemed to enjoy.)
TO&O** Maggie, at it again...
Clic the pic for an update on the Marion-led
Mercy squad....
**the one & only
Aunt Char with dapper BaltiMarion rugrats Chris and Matt (attired in the rare red bowtie/suspenders-white socks combo), circa 1990. At the time, she was residing in nearby Richmond, VA, and it was from there that -- much to our good fortune -- she migrated south to Florida, giving many of us yet another reason to plan vacations to Orlando in those deepest, darkest, coldest days of winter.
The Bionic BaltiMarion
RJ checks in with these exclusive shots in the wake of his recent knee replacement surgery
(Warning: May not be appropriate for pregnant women, vegetarians, and children under 14)
Fresh off the operating table, RJ gives his replacement part a spin. Unfortunately, he got stuck with a guy rehab specialist instead a the hot little blond one. (Ed. note: In order to keep fingerprints from sullying his beloved UM shirt, he requested that the therapist wear rubber gloves.)
Some might exclaim, "Ewwww!'
But I say, "Cool! Looks like a football from the 1920s!"
(After all, it IS football season....)
RJ, resting comfortably post-op thanks to a generous dose of Vicodin -- or had he been
watching a Lions' pre-season game?
We're all pulling for you, Richardo. Here's to a rapid and complete recovery.
The Many Faces Of Maggie
photo montage by RJ Marion, Special HackFester Correspondent
Yes...at 17, she’s now turned the corner on her teen years and is forging forth towards a newfound maturity, well, sort of. Still, we’ll always remember the B’Day Girl as she was back in the days when the only thing she tried to parallel park was her tricycle; the only boys she chased after were her brothers; and her favorite reality show was Mr. Rogers.
Yes, the times they are a changin’, but no matter what, Maggie will always be the youngest of the current crop of cousins, always the One and Only….
Happy Belated B'day, Maggie!
HB, Matt!
I love genealogy because of all the amazing info about our family that's out there just waiting to be dug up...like this astonishing photo (circa 1857) that I recently came across entirely by accident on Ancestry.com. If you look closely at the chap sitting in the middle (the one with the shit-eating grin), you'll see that he has a remarkable resemblance to the Birthday Boy (or vice-versa, in reality). Well, this is no coincidence...the lad is none other than Mathias O. Marion, a great-great uncle (brother of our great-great-grandfather James)!
Yes, it IS difficult to believe, but it's the rock-solid truth.
Now, little is known of Mathias...only that he was a gregarious grifter who made his living gambling on the riverboats that meandered in and out of Mobile, Alabama. He was short (5'4"), but because of his charismatic personality, people thought of him as much taller (more like 5' 7") and called him "Slim," though that nickname is generally reserved for tall, lanky sorts. He was an excellent dancer (particularly clogging), and despite chewing his share of tobacco (or "tobacky" as he called it), his teeth were brilliantly white, an aberration in those days. Unfortunately, that is all that is known of Mathias, other than that he died prematurely when he fell out of a top bunkbed early one morning in March, 1877, and fatally hit his head on the rotgut whiskey bottle he had been sucking on the evening before. He was 46 at the time and a lifelong bachelor, but as the quintessential 19th-century chick-magnet, he did leave behind an estimated 12 Marion bastards by nine different women in six different states, perhaps the principal reason there are so damn many Marions out there to this day....
But enough about the late Mat O. Marion...today is all about the present Matt O. Marion: All the Best, Matty! wom
HackFester B'Day Profile:
Rich Marion
TheHackFester: Tell us something most people dont know about you.
RJM: "I love to sing opera."
TheHackFester: What was your favorite moment in sports?
RJM: "The time about four years ago when I walked up and hit a bull in the butt with a banjo. You should've seen the look of surprise on his face! Struck a nice E chord too."
TheHackFester: What you hope to be doing in ten years?
RJM: "Well, I'm getting too old for this crap. I'll probably take up something safe like freestyle rock climbing or skydiving."
Bronco buster RJ Marion calmly subdues another wild stallion, all but assuring at least a share of first place in the 2008 Parkville rodeo. All that remains is the bullriding competition, which he has won for the last eight straight years.
"I hope I draw Dandelion. He's the toughest of the bunch, but they all want to roll over and play dead when they see me coming."
What better way to celebrate a birthday? How about some cake & ice cream?
HB, Mary Ella!
-Amazingly, this vintage photograph was recently discovered in a Ypsilanti, MI, second-hand store-
The Birthday Girl herself (#10 above) in her Mercy High playing days, several decades ago. Back then, the team was called the Mercy Nurses, and the girls wore nurses' uniforms instead of conventional shorts (this was not long after WWII, and many young women still aspired to careers in health care). While together at practice and during the games, team members even prefaced their names with "Nurse" as in Nurse Mary Ella, Nurse Brenda, Nurse Nancy, etc., etc.. Today, of course, the squad is coached by Mary Ella, includes daughter Maggie, and is called the Magic, having moved away from the nursing theme entirely when that vocation waned in popularity after word leaked out that novice nurses got stuck changing bedpans as part of their training...although Mary Ella has been known to pull out her yellowing Mercy High Nurse's uniform on Halloween, just for old, really old, time's sake.
All the Best on your Big, that is to say, your Really Big Day, Nurse Mary Ella!
-Story Updated 4/19/2008 - 10:56 pm-
Breaking News! After two bumps in road, young Maggie's in the driver's seat. Below: Special Video Coverage, straight from the Hidden HackCamera... Click here to view secret footage of Maggie practicing parallel parking prior to her driving test.... Now click here to see Maggie actually parallel park DURING her road test...
And finally, click here to see RJ's shots of Maggie Danica Marion, in the middle of a 6-hour marathon practice session spent perfecting the process of pulling up into the driveway, backing out, then parking in front of the house. (Note Mary Ella, the concerned mother, in background who was mostly worried about about the vehicle's hubcaps and the abuse they were taking against the curb all this time.) Congratulations on passing that road test, Maggie, and with your newly-minted driving privileges, becoming an even more mature teen-type personage (if that's at all possible). All of us veteran drivers in the family heartily welcome you to the wonderful world of parking meters/$20 parking tickets (IF you pay them on time); meter maids; $3.50/gal gas; road rage; distracted drivers; toll booths; the slow lane; the fast lane; road kill; rush hour; lost keys; cracked windshields; construction zones; quick oil changes; bad directions; fenderbenders; impaired/drunk drivers, MAD, SAD, and just plain BAD; bumper stickers; greedy mechanics; errant hubcaps; Geico, All State, AAA; vehicle recalls; one-way streets; potholes; speed traps; detours; three-mile backups; escalating insurance premiums; used car salesmen; curb jobs; road hogs; joyriding; Sunday drivers; moon jobs; speed bumps; flat tires, dead batteries, overheated readiators, dropped transmissions, etc., etc..... And just in case you ever need a little reminder before heading out to the mall with your friends, click here.
Father Richard tells us the rest of the story... "The last road test (on April 4), a beautiful spring morning, Maggie and I drove to the Maryland Vehicle Administration (MVA) so Maggie could jump through that last hoop, the driver's practical exam. We had been to a parking lot 2 days prior and practiced and practiced the infamous Parallel Parking (PP). Maggie successfully parked 4 times (Ed. note: Astounding! A near record for her age bracket in metropolitan Baltimore where in 1963, Harold B. Pawley, just sixteen but looking very much like a 15-year-old, managed to PP FIVE consecutive times without mishap.) She was ready! "As I watched her jump into the SUV, I was remembering how Matt took 2 attempts to pass the test. (Ed. note: now THAT'S an embarrassing revelation; we must all remember to rib Matt about this continually at the next HF. Let it be known here that I, WOM, didn't even have to take the PP portion of the test. The examiner just looked me over and said: "Clearly, you're a young man who knows his parking...no further proof needed!" and with a resounding flourish, he stamped the word 'PASSED' on the PP box of my exam sheet.) "There is a three-minute time limit for parking. As I watched Maggie go back and forth on the same angle much too far from the curb and glanced at my stop watch, I immediately turned to the lady behind the counter and said, "I need to make another appointment my daughter has just failed the driver's test." Tears flowing, followed by deafening silence all the way home, suggested that Maggie was a little upset -- until she realized that her learner's permit expired on Sunday, which meant she would need to take the computerized questionnaire and pay $50.00 for a new permit to be used for one week. Now I was upset. "I made several calls and got her an appointment the next day. I took the SUV and traded it with Chris for our sub-compact Accent. I brought home 2 large cones and set them up for Maggie to practice. She did (see photoshow above) and the next morning parked in record time: 28 seconds! However, she failed to maneuver through the dreaded Y turn within the two minutes and to complicate matters, drove over the curb on her way out of the test area. WHOOPS...you failed again. "Her next attempt was a week away. We drove up to the actual test ground on the Sunday before her final exam. We practiced and practiced the Y turn and on Monday, April 14th, (Ed. note: a day that will live in infamy?) another inexperienced driver was added to the road. In an unexpected act of generosity, the MVA credited the $50 to her license, and we didn't have to pay another dime......just 3.39 a gallonnnnnnnnnnnnnn!!!!!!!!!!!"
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