HackFest 2006
- Ann Arbor -
Okay! Who Farted?
HackFest 2006, Ann Arbor, MI - Mary Ella: "Whoa!!! Okay! Who farted?!" Linda: "I'm pretty sure it wasn't me. I think." Mavourneen: "Mom!! You either know, or you don't know. Which is it?" Linda: "Okay, I didn't." Amira: "I'll back her up. I didn't hear anything. (Whispering - "You owe me big time, Mom!) Nicole: "Ahh, Hellooo! Ever hear of Silent But Deadly?" Chris: "Good point. I'm SBD-certified. Through my frat...I'm untouchable in an elevator, an ATM line, or a crowded car." Matt: "I can confirm that -- He is truly disgusting." Michelle: (Hopefully) "Maybe it's the pool that smells?" Mike: "Are you kidding me? Willie's got enough chlorine in that thing to kill a cockroach." Mark: "My god! Look! Logan's eyes and lips are glowing!! Alayna: (approaching from the kitchen, she sees her only son's strange luminescence and suddenly and inexplicably starts speaking German) "Mein Gott! Oh Johannes! Vat vill ve do!?!" Mark: Not to worry...My engineering background tells me it's only the CH4." JP: CH4? You must mean... Mark: "Yep. Methane." Richard: "Ahh, everybody, I've got a confession to make." Mary Ella: "Jeez, Louise. Here we go...." Richard: "Maggie did it." Everybody: "Yeah, let's blame it on Maggie!" (Then, chanting, like on Jerry Springer) "Maggie!!! Maggie!!! Maggie!!!" Mary Ella: "Jeez, Louise, RICH!" Julie: (thinking) 'I cannot believe I'm party to this crude and vile behavior. And to think I missed an all-new episode of This Old House on PBS to come here. Oh, well, I can catch it tomorrow night at 9, 8 central. Or Tuesday at 8, 7 central. Maybe I should confess that I did it? Naww, better not. Well, at least it's a vegetarian fart. Nice, clean, hormone-free...And it'll pass, it'll pass....'
Midnight Dippers
It took a bet to get these three lovely lasses into the drink late on the Final Night of HackFest 2006, but needing the money - no matter how meager the sum -- to support their various shopping addictions, in they went. With numberless cicadas and tree frogs harmonizing about them, they took the frigid plunge and then popped back out, so traumatized by the experience that soon afterwards, Amira and Nicole fled to France and Michelle "forgot" her suit, leaving it behind upon her departure the next morning.
They Be Jammin.' Hackfest 2006, Ann Arbor -- These Happy HackFesterians availed themselves of the opportunity to carry on a roundtable discussion of a somewhat sticky subject: Toe Jam. A proud Matt prepares to display his most excellent crop by hefting his right foot up onto the table while moderator Aunt Julie, and panelists Michelle, Nicole (who with tremendous foresight color-coordinated her outfit to match the chairs), and Alayna eagerly await their opportunity to inspect. As usual, Matt didn't disappoint.
Hackfest 2006, Ann Arbor, MI -- RJ, at the precise instant that he realized he'd lost his HackFest Golf Trophy to Big Brother Bill. Sucking ice cubes in an attempt to remain cool, his right fist tight clenched (along with his sphincter), and his spectacles slightly steaming, he sees that the numbers are against him and that no amount of manipulation or handicap juggling can change that. Michael J, taking a well-deserved break from his garlic-bread-making duties and wearing a look of finality on his face, displays the Official Scorecard from that day's Championship Round at Huron Hills Country Club and Mystery Spot.
Read 'em and Weep
HackFest 2006, Ann Arbor, MI - This is the dramatic hand that overwhelmed and obliterated cocky contestants Mavourneen and Nicole in the 2006 HF Euchre Championship Final. Winning teammates William O'Brien Marion and Matthew O'Brien Marion also teamed up to crush all comers in the 2006 HF Jarts Final a few days earlier. And, of course, WOM took the 2006 HF Links Trophy to complete a rare Trifecta. Clearly, having O'Brien as a middle name creates a decidedly distinct advantage over all of the other sadly mundane middle monikers in the family. Although there has been some talk about not permitting "The Two O'Briens" (as they've come to be called) to team up again in 2007, so far there has been no attempt to enact HF legislation dissolving the union and forcing the Champs to take on other, far less competent partners. HF Commissioner-in-Training RJ Marion has been unavailable for comment. Stay tuned for further updates on this potentially divisive issue.
Mealmakers
2007 HF Commissioner RJ and Alayna, wife of ex-Commissioner JP, hack away for the greater good in Ann Arbor at HF2006. Rich's contribution to the pasta sauce, including a half-pint of blood due to a severely lacerated finger, and Alayna's magnificent tomato-basil-mozzarella masterpiece -- which she personally and painstakingly constructed using the unorthodox but ultimately-satisfying Chef Guiseppi Pizzarelli method -- were a major part of the startingly good dinner fare last year. Look for more of the same in Baltimore, but with the inclusion of crab meat to all recipes, morning, noon, and night.
A Momentous Moment
Viewers sit riveted by then-Commissioner Michael J.'s trophy presentation to HackFest golf champ, WOM, Avalon, 2001, in a scene from JP's epic HF dvd, which debuted at HackFest 2006, Ann Arbor. Ironically, WOM took the title again just a few short hours before this video was screened, much to the delight of his legion of admirers.
The following material was posted as part of the build up to HackFest 2006, Ann Arbor...
A letter from the Commissioner
Greetings fellow HackFesters and welcome to
Hackfest XVIII!
Hacktivities begin Sunday afternoon with the arrival of the BaltiMarions and Newtonians (and Warringtons and Grandmontites) in the august Township of Pittsfield.
Once the hypnosis has worn off from the grueling 500-mile gauntlet of orange barrels and cones, and everyone is rehydrated and fed, we can relish the coming week.
'Hack' will be put in HackFest each day with a round of golf. Hacking departure each morning will be at about 8am.
Monday afternoon and evening is open to exploring Ann Arbor, which may include a visit to Steve & Barry's to load up on some MICHIGAN gear, or just around the corner, to climb the Burton Bell Tower between 12 and 1pm to hear that seven-ton bell go off at close range, and get a spectacular vista of Ann Arbor.
If you still have a few kinks from sitting in a car all day Sunday, a hike through the Nichols Arboretum may help, or a more vigorous workout can be had at Michigan Central Campus Rec Building or Washtenaw County Rec Building, or swim laps at Bill's Natatorium, Buhr Park, or Vet's Park, or bike around on my Huffy.
In the evening, there is the option of socializing with the group over a game of Balderdash, Euchre, Pictionary, poker etc.
Tuesday eve the generations separate so that the the Baby Boomers can act like kids and the 'kids' can act like adults.
For live music, among other venues, there is the Ark and the Blind Pig; Michigan and State Theaters or Quality 16 and Showcase Cinema for movies.
After that you will have to rely on a person younger than me for referral to entertainment.
Wednesday afternoon at around 4:15 the group heads to dinner at one of the many resturants in Detroit's Greektown area. At about 6:30 we make our way to CoPa. Not the Copacabana for dancing, but Comerica Park to watch the third game of a series with the Minnisota Twins, who have given the Tigers fits over the last couple decades.
The Twins will present Joe Mauer behind the plate, touted as "the best catcher ever" by Sports Illustrated. The rest of the team isn't to shabby either, as they try to close gap between them, the World Champion Chicago White Sox, and league leading Detroit Tigers. This has all the makings of a very exciting game!
Thursday will feature the final round of HackGolf at Huron Hills , gathering at Warrington to 'carb up', or 'Atkins up' as the case may be, for the early departure east Friday am.
We look forward to your safe arrival.
Let the HackFest begin!
Officially yours,
Commissioner Marion
Ladies & Gentlemen: Start Your Packin'!
Annie ties down her luggage prior to departure for Halfway Lake, MI, legendary site of HackFest 2000. The largest ever in HackFest history, the bag weighed some 292 pounds and took four brawny lads to heft up to the rooftop. With such a load, our Windstar got just 6 miles-per-gallon that trip. Of course, given the ever-rising price of petrol, Annie would be more strictly regulated if she were to attempt such a thing now. (Curiously, she ended up wearing the same jeans and t-shirt the whole week, and we never did find out what was in the bag -- though there was some speculation that it was filled with marijuana, which she secretly sold to the inmates and guards of nearby Newberry Prison. Those sales evidently continue to support her in the manner in which she is accustomed in pricey San Francisco.)
HFest Prep Boy
Logan, steppin' out behind the Marion-Stagg Sears self-propelled. Note presence of headphones (attached to an ipod) which is spewing Chinese verb conjugations (Cantonese) directly into his brain despite the neighborhood-rattling blare of the mower engine. During his long,hot summer off, young Logan has not only been an eager volunteer in preparation for HF2006, knocking off those menial tasks perceived to be beneath his father, who is, after all, the Commissioner, but he has also "really gotten into" Chinese and hopes to be fluent by September.
The Original HF Tee
JP models the shirt that started it all, designed and produced by the master himself.
If you have one of these rarities, hold on to it. A check of recent activity on ebay showed that it is now going for nearly $10,000! Only two of four still exist worldwide.
Fill 'er up!
The good old days...HackFest '96, Jacksonville , FL. RJ was crowned LiL' Champ in the disturbing heat and humidity of Northern Florida. The rest of us were just glad to be done with it. MJ learned how to play euchre at the Dunesway Drive condo of our hosts, Bill & Rose, a game he'll never forget....
RJ's 1999 classic
Did you know?
The HFers Past page (see index on the left) contains links to nearly every HackFester ever published! And even some that have never been published, nor, for that matter, even written, yet! Now THAT is more amazing than tomato paste in a tube!
A random sample of Happy HackFesterians of an earlier vintage
Pre-postscript - 8:00 am, Friday, 8/11
As the Montegos and Fredons wend their way back to NJ & MD, the afterglow of HackFest '06 slowly fades. A complete report is currently under construction. Congratulations to HackFest '06 Champ W. O. Details of his stunning rout of the field to follow. Meanwhile, the mantle has been passed to Commissioner Marion, who forsees a loll at the beach for 2007. JPM, former-future commissioner